In the world of romance, one single rule applies to the men:

Make the woman happy. Do something she likes, and you get points. Do something she dislikes and points are subtracted.

You don't get any points for doing something she expects. Sorry, that's the way the game is played.

Here is a guide to the point system:

SIMPLE DUTIES

You make the bed (+1)
You make the bed, but forget the decorative pillow (0)
You throw the bedspread over rumpled sheets (-1)

You go out to buy her what she wants (+5) In the rain (+8) But return with Beer (-5)

You check out a suspicious noise at night (0)
You check out a suspicious noise, and it is nothing (0)
You check out a suspicious noise and it is something (+5)
You pummel it with iron rod (+10)
It's her pet (-10)

SOCIAL ENGAGEMENTS

You stay by her side the entire party (0)
You stay by her side for a while, then leave to chat with a college buddy (-2) Named Tina (-4) Tina is a dancer (-6) Tina has silicon implants (-80)

HER BIRTHDAY

You take her out to dinner (0)
You take her out to dinner and it's not a sports bar (+1)
Okay, it's a sports bar (-2)
And it's all-you-can-eat night (-3)
It's a sports bar, it's all-you-can-eat night, and your face is painted the colours of your favourite team (-10)

A NIGHT OUT

You take her to a movie (+2)
You take her to a movie she likes (+4)
You take her to a movie you hate (+6)
You take her to a movie you like (-2) It's called 'DeathCop' (-3) You lied and said it was a foreign film about orphans (-15)

YOUR PHYSIQUE

You develop a noticeable potbelly (-15)
You develop a noticeable potbelly and exercise to get rid of it (+10)
You develop a noticeable potbelly and resort to baggy jeans and baggy Hawaiian shirts (-30)
You say, "It doesn't matter, you have one too." (-8000)

ENJOY THE 'BIG' QUESTION

She asks, "Do I look fat?" (-5) [Yes, you LOSE points no matter WHAT]
You hesitate in responding (-10)
You reply, "Where?" (-35)
Any other response (-20)

COMMUNICATION

When she wants to talk about a problem , you listen, displaying what looks like a concerned expression (0)
You listen, for over 30 minutes (+50)
You listen for more than 30 minutes without looking at the TV (+500) She realizes this is because you have fallen asleep (-10000)
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oh dear.

thanks to jo for that email.



edit: this post has been tomorrow-ed! thanks zhi yang.

i have withdrawal symptoms

i went for an entire weekend and the last two days without the Internet.

can you imagine that?!?

that's four days!!!

so here's an update: i have conformed myself to a day job a la the not-so-long-ago internship, helping a friend's aunt with graphic designs for an anniversary event. it certainly takes some adjusting, i have to adjust myself again to a mac environment and (this i think is redundant) learn keyboard shortcuts for FreeHand and Photoshop.

don't read this the wrong way, i think using a mac is great with a more powerful system and better aesthetics, but having used windows right from the start and never really gotten used to the mac os in school, it's a bit hard. nonetheless, getting familiarised is of the utmost. :)

aannnnnnnyways,

mum raised a discussion about my impending trip to perth. halfway into explaining my accommodation plans, i interrupted myself with a "do you think my hairdryer will work there?"

i've never seen my mum laugh so hard.

a goodbye seminar and a photoshoot

we had a post-internship seminar on friday, really just a goodbye thing for us, but it was nice talking to rajan! funnily enough, ping said "we'll take this last walk together" when we had to trudge to the vanda room for our lunch reception, but after the seminar she swiftly drove her honda over and ferried doris and lll over to the vanda room, leaving us behind. hmph.

so that was that. goodbye seminars are nothing much to describe, just speeches and career talks and songs like if we hold on togeeetheerrrr trying to squeeze tears out of us. much non-kudos go to doris and ping who dug our student ID photos from the depths of hell and collated them into a montage displayed to every student and lecturer present, the only consolation was that everyone looked just as ugly as the next person.

then it was saturday.

i attended a voice recording session with my internship company, as i had been part of that project. it only lasted an hour, for a five minute script. our voice talent, ellen chu, was definitely no celebrity. i had expected somemore more sophisticated, with perhaps a hint of ang moh features but when our talent emerged from the studio, she was just... blah. she looked like she was going to the wet market after the recording.

my colleague and i stay for a mid-morning teh-o afterwards. she's very pleasant, and more patient than i had initially expected as she confidently handed me her projects during my internship. my company is politics-free, as i discovered yesterday. it's almost like a family business, almost making me wish i had stayed on when my director offered me a temporary position, to tide me over till school starts.

saturday afternoon was a flurry of activity at home. i had a photoshoot for a poster i was doing, my subjects were inanimate, though, a pair of safety goggles and a hard helmut, those worn by construction workers. dad got those for me from his colleagues, so nice of him right?

all i did was to take the shot i wanted, because every other chore was done by my dad. he set up the tripod, switch on the lights, place the objects and handled the board i used for my background. did i mention that my dad used to be a semi-advanced photographer? well, dad is also a tried-and-tested diver, self-taught fisherman, and qualified lifeguard. what a jack of all trades, and good at 'em too!

i need anti-anal medication

"For goodness' sake, Rex! Please don't mistake my anal-retentiveness for actual affection!"




have i ever mentioned how much i identify with Bree from Desperate Housewives? all that cleaning and pruning and perfected smiles and not a hair out of place, yes i identify with them all.

not that i am like that in reality.

today i installed limewire, the fastest file-sharing application on earth, on my laptop, having tried it out in the office last week. after installation i noticed immediately, immediately, the shortcuts that were added on both my desktop and start menu.




can you see that?!?! the nerve!!!

not only does the shortcuts planted an additional columm into my start menu, it also plonked an extra icon onto my desktop!!! i've streamlined my desktop so that it is aesthetically pleasing with only one line of icons and one columm of menu! now limewire has ruined all of that!!!!!!!!

you should see my start menu, alphabetically lined! rationally organized! no one can beat it ok. now everytime my desktop loads i see that god-forsaken limewire icon. it's really testing my patience.

ARGH!

lazy day

yesterday was, according to shisi, a lazy day. when was the last time i had one of those? i can't remember, and it's not because i have a poor memory.

finally, our vacation hath arrived! a trip back to school to submit our internship logbooks (otherwise we cannot graduate) and then to lunch. after lunch means we nua at any restaurant we had proceeded to. yesterday's choice was cafe cartel.

it's been long since i've taken the train to dover, while i had once gotten used to the 17-stops journey, it had somehow seemed much much longer yesterday! by the time i reached outram i was ready to tear my hair out, so boring!

if you're a regular train rider, i think you'd have noticed the subway advertisements that look like the train's route map. it's supposed to show where each subway restaurant is located cos there's this promotion thing they're having. so this middle-aged passenger boarded the train, chose a seat, put on her glasses and scrutinizes the subway ad as if that was the actual route map.

i didn't think any of it at first, until she began to look confused, perhaps the stop she was going to wasn't on the map (because it isn't the real map). at this point, i couldn't help myself, i laughed. you have to be there to see her expression, she looked so puzzled! but upon hearing my laugh (oops), she whirled around,

"are you laughing at me?"

"urm, er, the actual route map is this one (points), that is a restaurant advertisement."

she squinted and stared furiously at the panel i pointed to,

"oh! thank you."

there. she's forgotten all about me laughing (unconsciously) at her. hah.

plane sailing once again



last week i caught w!ld rice's boeing boeing. the play is too good to miss if it's not sold out. if you hadn't already read about it somewhere, this glen goei's adaptation is about a highly confident (ok, cocky) advertising man, bernard, who is stringing along three air stewardess fiances (JAL, CPA and SIA) with aid from his long-suffering filipino househelp and a trusty flight-timetable.

the plot is nothing new here, due to flight rescheduling and pilot strikes, all three stewardesses land in singapore on the same day, heralding confusion, wrecked nerves, and of course, hilarity.

you cannot help but respond with chuckles and guffaws to the cast's excellent comic-timing and dramatic flair. much props to charmaine ang and emma yong's fine portrayals of a hongkong stewardess and native japanese respectively. emma yong as miss JAL even comes out before the proper start of boeing boeing to thank the sponsors and remind the audience to switch off their handphones and pagers, then adding the oft-heard "fasten your seat belts, emergency doors are located at the front and rear of the airplane. i hope you enjoy your flight, ladies and gentlemen."

even though the man beside me didn't let loose much of a chortle throughout the entire play (and having me think perhaps he has fallen asleep), i found myself enjoying boeing boeing much more than i thought i would! this review, and all other reviews won't do the production much justice, you have to see it for yourself.

links:
the flying inkpot's 2002 review
w!ld rice's official page
sistic, official ticket, er, seller

be prepared to expect emma yong in a so kawaii ne!!! bob dyed a conservative brown, completely different from what promo pics show. between JAL and CPA, gosh, i don't know who did their accents better.


the great triangle: SIA, JAL, CPA

technorati: ,

so paiseh i could kill myself, part deux

Somewhere in the near future, you will be able to see my picture right where embarrass is in the dictionary (collins cobuild versions only).

remember her? the neighbour i kept bumping into? well things haven't changed a bit. shortly after that quite recent post, i made an effort to change my routine - going to work a full 20 minutes later, and coming home half-an-hour earlier. before you jump to any conclusions, i'll have you know, i still work my required eight hours, don't you fret. oh yes, elisia, no more wan jing you bus, unfortunately.

i know what's going to come next. i can almost hear it in your heads. yes, i still meet that neighbour, all 20 minutes later and 30 minutes earlier of my everyday. i can hardly tolerate it.

today, i tripped her.

i reached my usual busstop (20 minutes later) but found someone had took my usual spot, perhaps this makes her my scapegoat in today's events, you'll see.

so i had to stand by one side because like i said, my usual spot was taken. when people wait for buses, more often than not they mind their own business and don't bother other people so that was what i was doing too - minding my own business and not bothering other people. my zen micro was playing so i wasn't really aware of the click clack of that neighbour's heels coming down the stairs.

from my point of view, i just wanted to shift my weight to my left leg, causing my right to nudge out a teeny bit. it was at that very moment, that neighbour caught my leg and, well, tripped.

it must have been pretty bad, she fell quite heavily and scrapped her knee (oops). everyone who had initially been minding their own businesses swivelled in our general direction and start minding my business. fortunately for both of us, it was just a love scrap (whew). i apologized, of course, though not as profusely as i would typically. looking at circumstances, it wasn't a typical situation, having stumbled upon that neighbour and tripping her, no i'm sure these things don't happen everyday!

fortunately (again), she was running for a cab, so i didn't have to face her throughout the entire bus ride, too punishing on my nerves lah.

laughter-itis

laughter spreads more readily and swift than any disease out there. it's worse than SARS. i don't kid.

i was visiting the loo yesterday with two ladies whom i am not aquainted with. as i was walking a bit ahead of them and hence, entered the lavatory first, i had the first turn using the cubicle. the other was occupied. the two others weren't favoured because they did not offer sitting bowls.

anyhow,

turns out that the two behind didn't intend to use the cubicles, they were just there to touch up their make-up.

midway into my, well, business, i heard a clearly audible fart coming from next door, palpably from the other occupant besides the three of us. normally such happenings don't get any response from me, look, this is the toilet, it's supposed to happen here. but yesterday, that fart was immediately followed by squeals of badly suppressed laughter from the two ladies outside, it was terrible! i couldn't help myself, a grin broke on my face.

all became seemingly calm when i exited and began washing my hands. the ladies were calm. but i guess they just had great self control.

because the occupant then let rip another round of gas, this time louder, longer, i don't know if it was smellier O_o

there wasn't any response from me at first, not until the other two broke out. since the second fart wasn't any more diminutive than the first, they didn't see any reason restraining themselves.

loud hoots and giggles escaped.

like the cliche goes: laughter is contagious. i couldn't help myself again, breaking out in laughter like the two of them.

pickles me, pickles you



happy birthday to boss-oss! pickles was decided upon by way of majority vote, so pickles it was. we got the second girl to turn 20 among us the very cute and mersmerizing flip flap, among other things.

we're getting better at birthdays, i think. eight celebrations per year certainly make for adroit planners. did i mentioned how cute flip flap is?

rest of pictures here. or leave a comment if you want the full, unedited set (for selected parties only, you guys know who you are)

we were down to the last five

it was originally a tete-a-tete with fy and i, but turned out lq, ss and, later on, jess were free for dinner. our initial restaurant of choice was mushroom pot. unfortunately, we got there to discover that the pot in abovementioned restaurant name referred to the steamboat pot, which meant DIY cooking so we changed our minds.

a mushroom steamboat just does not cut it. i'm a seafood gal.

ss suggested pastamania, but we were making our way there when we passed the coffee connoisseur and were game to give it a try. plus, there weren't much of a crowd then.



dinner, or any meal, at what is essentially a coffee joint is not a good idea. the food menu didn't have much range, unlike what you get in the beverage menu, there weren't any set meals either, which made everything seem expensive. cream fungi sauce made my jashparah seem a bit bland, so it was very much improved with tabasco and the wasabi aioli that came with fy's fried tofu.

jess came after dinner with an enormous green bag, apparently a door gift (more like door luggage, judging by its size) from a media event by SBS, if i had gotten facts right. SBS is very creative, or practical, for it's door luggage contained a 1kg songhe fragrant rice, a 6-pack paseo tissue, a 1l tetra pack of marigold juice, two vials of the latest ralph lauren perfume, a mini bottle of nivea moisturizer, 500ml mineral water, another bottle of those qing re water, a loaf of hi-calcium bread (terribly squashed), and i think that's about it.

like i said, door luggage.

i adjourned home to receive an email from sy,



see the rest here.

the neighbour who shall remain nameless

things have started getting into a routine since internship started. i'm glad i've only got a week left, i can't stand taking the same bus driven by the same driver with the same passengers sitting in the same seats adopting the same positions.

i worry that all these humdrum will drive them nuts one day, but seems like they're still getting along a-ok. don't ask me how they do it.

i've started noticing this particular lady neighbour, though. oh no, i'm not changing my preferences, let me explain.

see, it's actually quite freaky. somehow, we seem to possess this far-out ability to meet each other everyday on the way home. yeah i know there's what i said above about routine and all but surely i wouldn't meet her on weekends too? i've seen her for five consecutive saturdays, all at different times! some saturdays i go out in the mornings, some saturdays i got out in the evenings, how can it be possible that i bump into her at every single one of these irregular times?

it is inexplicable.

if only she was some hunk, then maybe i'll finally start believing what my horoscopes are saying: today you will find the one...

Looks count, whether you believe it or not

this blogger got browned, so you all also must take a look! i promise you will laugh until you peng, if you don't find it funny, well then, UP YOURS! nyeh nyeh.

Pictures tell a million words

so paiseh i could kill myself

did i ever tell you that Out by Natsuo Kirino is a great read? crime novel about a battered wife killing her husband with dire aftermath.

almost as nice as james patterson.

so was reading on the train this morning, and still reading when i exited at tanjong pagar, waited a while for the crowd to disperse, up the escalator, through the fare-gate - i was still reading.

well the crowds must have been different today because i ended up knocking into the glass panel door at the train station.

it's not as bad as you would have imagined, i can assure you. what happened was that my book spine connected (rather heavily due to me walking a bit fast) with the door hinge and i reacted. it wasn't like a wham bang thing. any second slower i would have injured my pretty face and become the laughingstock of tanjong pagar mrt.

today's not the first time it's happened though. the last couple times were at dover mrt. i really ought to stop reading once i get off the train.

not funny lor!

the biggest faux pas ang mohs can commit would be trying to make their utterances colloquial by peppering lah, lor, hor, meh, etc. at the end of said utterances.

apparently they think it's funny.

it pisses me off.

it's not like i can't appreciate humour, or am only able to laugh at phua chu kang's jokes, ang mohs have to face it: not everyone can be jay leno.

update: calm one teaches you how to speak good singlish

xiaxue kena bought leh!

From: mike landreu
Date: Apr 1, 2005 5:11 PM
Subject: Immediate Release: New company to buy Singapore top blogs!

For Immediate Release (Can be publised freely on blogs and other media)

NEW COMPANY TO BUY SINGAPORE TOP BLOGS

San Jose, Calif - April 1 2005 - A new company invested by top VCs is out to buy the top blogs in Asia. First stop will be Singapore. Known as The Blog Company, it will be commencing negotiations with Singapore's top bloggers in the next few weeks.

Funded by some of the U.S's top VC firms, The Blog Company said that Asia is very big in its plans. CEO and founder, Alex Gayne said that the firm has spent the last few months identifying Singapore's top bloggers. He said, "We have a good idea on the type of blogs that we are interested in Singapore. We have decided on five." The big five he says are Xiaxue (http://www.xiaxue.blogspot.com), IZ Reloaded
(http://izreloaded.tripod.com), Popagandhi (http://popagandhi.com), Mr Brown (http://mrbrown.com) and Mr Miyaki (http://myveryownglob.blogspot.com).

"I think here we have the top 5 bloggers in Singapore. We are not in a position to reveal our plans with these 5 bloggers at this time but I can confirm that we will be talking to them real soon," said Mr Gayne. He explaned the company's choices, "We are looking for the best. And here we have the best. The likes of IZ Reloaded with 10,000+ readers a day, Xiaxue 8,000+ and Mr Brown 4,000+ shows that we are dealing with high traffic sites here."

Margaret Long, a partner at investment firm First Equities who invested in The Blog Company says that she and others believe in the company's blog strategy. "I think what we have here is a unique company with a unique strategy. Blogs are beginning to show that they are not just a place where someone will write his/her diary but they are more than just that. The Blog Company aims to make this a real profitable venture."

Contact
Mr Michael Landreu
Press Enquiries



haha. i got this in my gmail. happy april fools guys.

speaking of gmail, they also april fool-ed us:


Gmail Celebrates April Fools Day


they've decided to give us infinite space. :)

every weeknight on Channel NewsAsia's Primetime News, we get the very hot Glenda Chong and well, Melvin Yong with his smarty-pants accent.

It's no secret that i pretty much can't stand mr yong's reporting. he has to lose that accent lah.

melvin's email reads melyong at channelnewsasia dot com. tell me, which self-respecting man would allow his name to be shorten to something like mel??!?

'tis a girl's name! girl's name! we don't hear people calling richard lui dick, do we?

christ.

-----

heard that one about movie tickets rising again?

come next month, ticket prices will be raised by $0.50 on weekdays, and $1 on weekends. however, this change will only be implemented by Golden Village, Shaw Cinemas and Eng Wah Organisation. so fret not, we can still watch movies at cathay and well, overseas movie (where ticket prices are only $5). pirated movies are hard to get nowadays.

i cannot get you a link because straits times isn't free anymore. heh.

-----

more newsflash(es):

Australia's Baby Boom - people are heeding the government's call to be patriotic and go forther and multiply

singapore no hope already lah.